So I arrived in Mexico late on Sunday night. I was excited and full of anticipation. And planned my Monday before going to bed. Of course the hotel having wi fi made me so happy.
After getting organized on Monday, I wandered off and found this awesome and chill cafe/restaurant which I plan to make my main hang out. Once I finally had some time to think, a few nagging thoughts/feelings kept coming back:
What am I doing with my life?
Is this whole idea stupid and silly?
Do I seem super flaky to friends and family?
Why doesn’t anyone else seem to get this itch to quit their job, travel, etc.
At least more than one person has commented that I am doing my own “eat, pray, love” which irritated me to no end since I hated that book. My mom snidely commented that I had developed the American sickness of needing to “find myself”, which also angered me.
There have been plenty of others who were very supportive, so why am I focused on the naysayers and what other people think?? Plus, I know I would rather not be doing the alternative of being back at my old job. This whole thing was intended to shake up my life a bit. And yes, maybe do some soul searching.
I guess it is back to that feeling of being unsettled. And not having good answers for people. I knew this process would be messy and maybe painful at times. But I hope it yields something good in the end.
I realized recently that I am drawn to soul searching, introspective writers. Like Penelope trunk’s blog which is a personal blog disguised as career advice. I love that she has not had the most sensible career path and is still successful. Maybe it’s the fact of stepping off the well-trodden path of children of successful Indian immigrants is what is so scary to me. But I really connect with others who struggle with finding their path, too.
One good thing about today is that I started my Spanish lessons and they were totally fun. Something I didn’t fully expect. I signed up for this art class on Friday, which I am also looking forward to. One funny thing I realized is that this trip feels different in so many ways that my normal 2 or 3 week international vacations when I am working hard the rest of the year. For one thing, I don’t have the sense that I am running away from something. Those other activities that I normally schedule in advance and really put aside time for don’t seem as important now (painting, etc) but I am still interested in them. It’s weird, but I feel like my whole life I have been running away from something, which is mostly my parents or my job. But now my next moves are totally in my hands, which is a bit scary.
I also found that I am not a bad solo traveler, but need to work on my semi-introvert personality so I can meet people and enjoy some company.
Anyway, hopefully my next blog post will be a bit more focused. This one was very stream of consciousness.