Closer to fine

I’m trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you’ve ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it’s only life after all
Well darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable
And lightness has a call that’s hard to hear
I wrapped my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I’m crawling on your shore.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There’s more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for something definitive
The closer I am to fine.

The words to “closer to fine” by Indigo Girls all of a sudden make complete sense!! Hah, well I just got to Phuket today and am enjoying happy hour at the hotel bar (2 for the price of 1 Chang beer) and felt it was a good time to write another post since I have a good buzz going šŸ™‚

First off, it feels GREAT to be back in a Marriott. I should seriously get paid for all the free promotion I do for Marriott. I checked in, got upgraded to a suite, got an iced tea and cool mint scented towel by way of welcome (“saw-wat-dee-ka!!”). Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, a Marriott dude rang my bell and gave me a plate of fresh fruit. At a COURTYARD of all places. None of my blog readers travel extensively for work (except Farzana), but this is rather impressive for a Courtyard.

Ok enough of my hotel snobbery. I am back to traveling solo again after being with a group for 2 weeks. While it was nice to travel with people for a bit, I am actually quite happy being solo again. I realized that I don’t get to know places all that well when I travel with others. After everyone finally left, I switched hotels in Chiang Mai and got to know the city in a whole different light. I actually quite liked it! It’s a cute city, sort of like Oaxaca. A manageable size. Though it is the second largest city in Thailand, it is a distant second from Bangkok. As you may have gathered from my last post, I was not a fan of Bangkok.

Well I traveled with the group to Kanchanaburi, a raft house on the River Kwai, the Mekong River, Chiang Rai, Chiang Mai, and trekking through the jungle for 3 days. It was a good group and a lot of fun. But I realized that I am more than ok with traveling solo now and I actually missed it. Many in the group felt like newbie, naive travelers to me (yes, I know I am now becoming a travel snob).

At some point, I checked Facebook and saw that someone I met in Spain posted pictures of us when we took a road trip to Bolonia in Spain. All of a sudden I was transported back to Spain and Mexico and before I started my travel for the leave of absence and for the first time realized what an amazing journey it has been.

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, which is the answer I thought I would come away with after the 6 month LOA. But I finally stopped hanging onto these prescribed rules for life that society and my parents have laid out for me. Everything from work to getting married to where I live seems wide open for the first time. I met so many people who have taken so many different paths, that I realized it’s OKAY to do something different and I will find my way eventually. And if I flounder along the way (as I am doing now), that is ok, too. And this is where the Indigo Girls song comes in: “there’s more than one answer to these questions pointing me in a crooked line. The less I seek my source for something definitive, the closer I am to fine….”

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