This phrase kept rolling through my head as I was on my daily evening stroll in Colonial Park. The reason is probably because the past week or so has been a whirlwind of activity. I accepted a job offer from a small consulting company, I found an apartment and I have to move within the next week and start my new job. To say that I am feeling a little anxious over so many changes is an understatement! I’ve had anxiety every step of the way. Whether to apply to this company in the first place? Whether to quit midway through the interview process? Whether to accept the offer? So finally I decided.
I am not sure how to cope with it all. How will I maintain my sense of balance? My meditation? All the creative things I am trying to do in my free time? Should I just throw in the towel until January to get adjusted to things and then try to start some new routines to figure out life after corporate??? Will I even have any energy left over at the end of a work week for all this stuff??
I am clearly all over the place. I largely abandoned this blog over the last six months because I wasn’t sure I had anything to say that I wanted to share on a blog. Thinking about the inception of this blog and re-reading my earlier entries makes me happy. The last year has been harder. With trying to start a business, then deciding not to, feeling like a failure, and then figuring out how to proceed. I had a hard time with the thought of going back to a corporate job but could really use the money and the health insurance.
In the meantime, the idea of writing on a blog again has been tugging at me. But I didn’t have a theme I felt inspired to write about. I thought about the types of writing I enjoy reading and it tends to be more personal and introspective in nature, such as the Modern Love column in the NY Times. That is the kind of stuff I want to be able to write. But I know it doesn’t happen overnight. Like any craft, I need to do it regularly to grow and improve. I also need to make it a routine, otherwise it won’t happen. And somehow, the act of publishing it on a blog will force me to write more regularly. That isn’t to say that I will publish everything I write. But it will force me to think more about what I want to say and polish it.
My goal, at least initially, is to publish once a week. I thought about publishing more frequently, but also know that if I am too overambitious then it won’t get done at all. The topics will be varied for now. I will see how it evolves and maybe in the future I will pick more of a focus. Obviously topics like career, passion, creativity, and travel are favorites for me – they will very likely continue to be themes.
So today, while walking, the title of this blog came to me. “Here we go again.” Into the world of apartment hunting and work and schmoozing on the job and having my days filled with meetings and coming home so exhausted that I barely have energy to do anything but flop on the couch and watch TV. It feels a little like I’ve been on this ride before. First with pwc. Then with Accenture. Will I ever do anything else besides management consulting?? But while working out at the gym, Nelly Furtado sang on my ipod:
“I am not a one-trick pony
I really feel no one can own me
I really feel nothing can hold me
Nobody can control me
Nobody can conform me
Nobody can disown me
Nobody can ignore me
I am not a one-trick pony
For you I will not dance
For you I will not prance…”
I am not a one-trick pony.